For the Heart That Is Numb

I was recently cleaning out my room to prepare for my return to college when I stumbled across some of my old journals. My desk drawers at home are overflowing with pages and pages of recorded memories from every age, prayers that have been answered and reaffirmed, and big dreams for my future. I smiled as I came across little purple gel pen scribbles of trivial things that only an elementary school girl would worry about in her diary. As I continued to read through each one, I began to see my own voice evolving into the writer and person that I am today.

After reading for a while, I uncovered a journal that was given to all the incoming ORU students at the beginning of my freshman year. The cover is stamped with the ORU seal, and a personalized note is printed on the inside from the alumni community.

I started reading the journal entries that I had written in it, and tears came to my eyes as I recalled the mighty works of God that occurred in my life in just my first two weeks as a student. I thought back to the moments when I wrote these words, huddled up in my dorm room, greatly in awe that the Creator of the Universe would care enough to know my name.

The Lord captured my heart in those first few weeks at ORU in a way that I had never experienced before. He tenderly calmed a grieving heart and an anxious mind, reminding me of His awesome power and never-ending goodness. He took the uncertainty about my future and transformed it into assurance that His plans for me will always be good. He placed new passions in my heart and opened doors for me to be able to pursue them. He taught me how to lose myself in worship.

All these thoughts came flooding back as I flipped through the pages. But about 10 pages in, the journal entries ended abruptly. I was puzzled as to why I had not continued to record the amazing words that God spoke to me throughout that school year.

Sitting here now, looking back, I know that the answer is really quite simple: apathy. Numbness. The enemy of living a Christ-focused life.

It’s interesting how easily we become distracted on our walk with the Lord. How quickly we slip into negligence, despite the overwhelmingly wonderful works that God has done in our past. We’re so quick to forget and become swept up into the chaos of life.

But let me ask you – is this because God stops speaking, or because we stop listening? Is it because He stops working, or because we stop looking for evidence of His presence? He is the same God yesterday and tomorrow. He doesn’t change. But we do.

Somewhere along the line, we stop seeking. We stop dwelling on the things of the Lord, instead fixing our gaze on the next mountain that needs to be climbed. But the Lord stands beside us, beckoning us to redirect our eyes! We must simply refocus, shift our gaze back to him, to see the mountain then throw itself into the depths of the sea. Only He is capable of calming our anxious souls and restoring life where there was once numbness.

Dear reader, I want to encourage you. If you feel like the Lord has abandoned you, or like it’s been forever since He has radically moved in your life, start seeking His face. Don’t stop! He promises that if we search for Him, we will find Him. He doesn’t hide Himself from His children. He’s been there all along, patiently waiting for you to turn to the next page in your journal and pick up the pen.

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“Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits – who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed… He is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love… from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him.” Psalm 103:1-6, 8, 17